Alex Hurry you were one of the most incredible and unique people I have ever met, and not a day goes by where I don't miss you.
I dont ever intend to forget you, to move on, or to live as though you never impacted my life. You taught me that people aren't as strong as they would like the world to think. As 'playing it cool' continues to make the world ever colder, you were one against the crowd. What many see as weakness, you wore as strength. Openness. The boldness to be yourself and an inability to hide your feelings from the world. You were you, humbled and broken, and you didn't conceal that from anyone. You let people in, all the way in. Our culture is driven by individuality, possession and independence. A self-centred notion, that in the end can only leave us feeling alone.
You were dependent, but I wasn't dependable. Change has to start somewhere.
Slow to judge, you took the time to listen and care. What you heard made an impact. You allowed yourself to take on the feelings and others, and bring yourself to their level. Whether you could help or not, simply knowing that you were there made life that bit easier. But now there's a void where solice was found.
Ever since that day I've been tearing myself apart, replaying situation and circumstance.
A cyclic process makes no progress. I need to break out of this and I know that's what you'd want. Every day I'm faced with your picture on my phone and Facebook and it feels like I'm having the wind knocked out of me all over again. I reread conversations and replay songs. 'I hope that you remember me.'
I don't ever intend to forget, and I don't ever intend to move on, but I want to live in the positive impact that you had on my life. It's time to take a step forward. You've taught me to stop and take the time for the people around me and not to take any friend for granted. You showed me that it's okay to be broken sometimes, but we need the strength to move on. Every time I watch my favourite movies, listen to my favourite bands or read my favourite books I will be reminded of you. A loving man of impeccable taste.
'There is more in you of good than you know, child of the kindly West. Some courage and some wisdom, blended in measure. If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.” - Gandalf the Grey.
Three months ago I would have been inclined to judge and slander at a piece of writing like this. Society teaches us to hide behind an image of success, putting our self worth in the hands of others. But I'm done hiding.
I want to be able to be as open and loving as you were every day. Your strengths will be my inspiration. I promise to try my best never to let anyone down the way I did to you.
I'm so sorry Murreh.
I love you x
